Its another period week for me, so I’ve been at home for most of it. I’ve been building on my progress from this year in symptom management and it only seems to be getting better. The thing I’ve noticed most this time around is in regards to pain. I’ve noticed it being there, but I haven’t been effected by it as much. Its definitely the meditation I’ve been doing, I think. Like when you meditate and have thoughts, but you don’t talk to them, you don’t engage with them. The pain is there, I’m just not buying into it, an because of that it hurts less. I’ve used heat pads/hot water bottles a bit, but I have also just been fine at times with a hot cup of tea, or today, with a top of 29.5 C, I’ve not needed one at all. Even cold drinks have been going down alright.
Its been a bizarre experience for me, in that is so very different to my usual experience of pain. But I’ve just been observing it, both in the moment and over the last few days. I’m finding it intriguing, interesting, new, exciting, bewildering. Like a scientist might when examining something new.
In terms of other symptoms? I think I’m not as bloated as I usually am, and its been at least partially exacerbated by food and drink, because going to the bathroom relieves the pressure on my middle. I’ve not been stressing about this period at all – so I’m not at work for a few days – good! My body needs the time and space to relax and heal. I know I’m doing the best thing by it. I’m still tired due to the blood loss and interrupted sleep, but I’ve been napping where I can too. And the big one, the blood loss? Well I think its getting better too. Very slowly. I started properly bleeding on Sunday afternoon, and in total since then until now (Wednesday evening) I’ve lost what I think is about 3 times as much as what is considered normal (thankyou to the internet for filling my knowledge gap in that area), but its less than last time, and its easing a little bit today compared to Monday and Tuesday. I’ve also not bled through undies/pjs/trackies or even the towels I’ve been sleeping/sitting on as much as I have for the last few periods, so that’s great too. Building that physical relationship with a change in hormones (the higher dose pill I’m now on) is a long winded process, but its happening. Slowly but surely.
The TCM stuff is definitely helping too. The temperature flushes I used to get are gone, the ones this time have been entirely weather-caused – on Monday morning there was snow on the mountain, then today its been really warm, so its not just me! Weeheee! I also don’t pass the kinds of clots that make you think you’re giving birth anymore (along with the pain and bloating, its a weird thing to have happen when you’re not actually pregnant!), and I’m so much less moody. I had a couple of snappy moments on Sunday, but they were pretty mild really, barely worth even noting. I was also really aware of them and was able to pull back and almost immediately rephrase what I was saying or apologise in the moment. Such a change from my issues as I remember them as a teen. I know my food choices are helpful too – as I’ve mentioned before, gluten, grains and processed crap effects my mood and most profoundly when I have a period.
I’ve also come to a realisation this time round – while I think I handle this exceptionally well when I have the time, space and opportunity to do it this way, the way I’ve just been describing, allowing for time on the couch and track pants without elastic (elastic means pressure around my middle, which means more pain and discomfort) and rest, I’m unsure how to do it on an ongoing basis with a regular, 9-5 job. I also, finally, realised the other day that its not the best environment for someone who has built up a resistance to all OTC pain killers – any small headache or start of a cold or anything, I can’t take pain killers for it. I have a pretty good arsenal for those things that doesn’t involve pain killers – lots of water, a quiet space, about an hour out of the rest of the world, meditation or a small nap and a generally calm environment will get rid of a headache, but I can’t do that in a regular job! My office has even had the door removed from it because its the front office of the building! I can’t keep people out even if I have a good reason! So that’s going to be floating around in my head until I come up with a viable solution.
I think I’ve mostly been really amazed at this new presentation of meditation – as a pain reliever. Its been hard the last few days to do it while I’ve been bleeding so ferociously and on the verge of a nap most of the time, but clearly on a long term basis it is so beneficial in being able to observe, rather than engaging with the body, to simply watch and intuitively learn about what’s going on instead of being a slave to the changes in it. Mindblowing. In a calm, detached way ;). The slowly-slowly progress isn’t even getting to me as much as I thought it would. Its progress. I’m healing myself. I’m listening to my body and doing what it needs instead of punishing it. For now, this is such a huge acheivement, a massive change in thinking that I’m loving every low blood count minute of it. It also reinforces the need to continue down this path of gentle healing and taking this focus in my life.
I’m really not sure where its all going to lead, but its kinda exciting.
P.S Luvjus rock!