I’ve always had a weird relationship with other females. I don’t often relate to some of the things designated as “women’s stuff”, which I talked about here. I also mentioned here how any kind of dysfunctional relationship with my body has also not been around wanting to be thinner or prettier or more attractive, but having a body that functions, which from my watching of other people is not common for a lot of women (not in a creepy way, I just like people watching, even on social media!). I don’t have a party girl identity – and if I do, she wears a fez, carries a mop and eats jammy dodgers (from Healthy Treats by Mrs Rees of course, no sweet treat is giving me a bleed!). I’ve felt like a fish out of water, and being an introvert, that only amplifies my desire to curl up on the couch with a book and a cuppa. None of that takes into account my medical difficulties which at times make being out in public very hard. The lovely Jackie from Lethargic Smiles has described the effort it takes to be in public on her blog, and there have been times when I can relate to every word (even though the causes aren’t the same). That, and I have found in the past that if someone is going to doubt me or judge me as to the information I share about my VWD, its usually women. Women with their own ego/mean girl turned up high in their brains and who can not relate one bit, especially to my menstrual struggles (none of who I judge at all now, being subject to the nasty talk we can generate in our heads would make any lovely lady crazy).
So I’ve had a bit of a habit, especially after some rough interactions with other women over the last few years, to shy away from girls. On top of that, my best friend from primary school and a fellow Whovian E currently lives in Japan, and my best friend from highschool A moved to London a year ago after living in another city in Australia for the previous 9 years. The withdraw and hide instinct got pretty damn strong. But there’s a bit inside of me that knew that the bad situations weren’t all there is (Tara reckons I’m more intuitive that I give myself credit for, and I reckon she’s bang on!). After discovering this little gem and having a conversation with the company that makes them, I ended up connecting with the Haemophilia Foundation, and you all pretty much know the rest of that! There was something inside me that leapt wildly at the potential of meeting other people just like me – girls and women with inherited bleeding disorders who actually get what I go through. Despite having some struggles within that community due to the lack of information, and connection with women, I’m really grateful for that opportunity.
The “things” that make me want to connect with others have grown in numbers this year – eating whole real foods and feeling and seeing the difference they make to health, inherited condition or not is exciting and fascinating. Learning about TCM (and for the giant nerd in me how much of it is backed by western science) and how great it is a healing the body and mind makes me want to share it with the world (btw, if you’re in Australia have you gotten yourself along to Nat’s events?). Barrecode and all barre type classes as well as yoga are such beautiful parts of my life, and I love bringing them to other people and watching them beat, pulse, burn, flow and come back for more. Even my lovely R.
I guess what I feel I’m missing though is a few strong, deep connections. Soul sisters, who balance, challenge and love you to bits no matter what. I’ve been inspired and touched by watching such relationships – Tara and Rach are so in sync and have a beautiful friendship, one that inspired this lovely book. The Move Nourish Believe movement by activewear brand Lorna Jane encourages women to love and support each other. I’m missing my friends who live so far away – along with the ones I’ve mentioned, there’s also C & A in Canada. I’m an introvert, so I don’t need to be everyone’s friend, but I’m definitely feeling the need for connection, for the company of like-minded and hearted souls, even for those challenging and confronting moments. I’ve been loving some sparks of connection I’ve felt from reading the wise, funny and oh-so-relatable words of some of you lovely people who might be reading this. And I want more – to share, feel and connect more.
So feel free to say hi (especially if you live in my part of the world!) if you are also looking and searching, or just like having more friends!
P.S This has been a big topic for me to talk about it, its been sitting in my head for a while, so I have another question – is this weird to talk about? As I mentioned above I’m perhaps not that good at reading people, ( its a lovely INTJ quirk) and I’m not entirely sure if people say this stuff out loud (or write it aloud!).
P.P.S If you got the fez, mop & jammy dodger reference, I think we’re meant to be friends. So say hi below. 🙂