I’ve had such a full year – love, laughter, illness, fear, new beginnings, searching for answers. Everything all at once, but its been a bit of a “making of” experience. At the beginning of the year when I realised that the periods that seemed to have a life of their own were coming back to stay, I was really scared and fearful about what that would mean for my health, fitness and lifestyle.
So many things came at the right time after that. I decided to do the Barrecode 60 Day Challenge – I originally thought of doing the challenge lat last year, but due to the fact a house move was going to be bang smack in the middle of Round 3 from 2012, I decided to wait until Round 1 2013. That was right at the time my bleeds started coming on strong again, but given that I was going by the eating plan, and have taken up so much of the lifestyle in one of the recommended reads from the Challenge, it put me in the position to want to learn more about food, health and natural healing. Which lead me to Chinese Medicine, and so many new things that help control my bleeds, help me manage my moods and pain, and the nudge in the direction of my coach, Tara.
Its been a lot of change all at once, but it seems to have happened at the right time for me. It would have been easy to remain scared, upset, or even compliant and non-inquisitive in regards to my own treatment and medical care (I know a lot of people in the bleeding disorder community don’t look outside the factor and drugs options, and there’s definitely charlatans out there which would spook anyone away from accepting the role of food and lifestyle in their care). But I’ve been able to accept that I’m being challenged and look for answers and solutions. Like, this time, it hasn’t been an insurmountable challenge, I’ve felt like I can do more, learn more, and actually get some outcomes that work for me.
I’d started doing meditation with my Barre Fusions classes in 2012, and I’d always known it had a calming influence on the mind. I’d even heard about it being used by severe haemophiliacs to deal with pain, but I’d always struggled with it. Now, with other things slipping into place, and my feeling of being in control of my fate, I’ve found it easy to deal with the difficulties in meditation. I’m definitely not saying meditation is easy! Turning of the monkey mind of an introvert, let alone an INTJ is hard stuff, perhaps impossible, but I feel more comfortable observing thoughts instead of engaging with them, and with letting things surface and be guided by my intuition during my meditations. Starting when I have has been perfect timing, given my recent foray into yoga at a local studio. Again, the studio only opened and expanded recently – the owner has just had the opportunity to expand her business.
All of these things either coming into my life this year or finally falling into place is making me stronger. Yes, physically, because you need to be tough to do Barrecode, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I feel both tougher and more able to go with the flow. To engage and fight for the things that matter without getting bogged down in little distractions or ego.
This is not to say its all easy. Life isn’t that animated section from Anchor’s Aweigh – I definitely still have freak out moments, stress and ego thoughts. Being unwell still gets me a bit down, and I do worry about health and money and work. And I’m certainly unable to get rid of that pesky genetic quirk of mine. But I feel more able to recognise stress and ego for what it is, to process a situation in terms of what is in front of me, to not get worked up or caught in a cycle of maybes and future risk planning. To see the positive potential, not the worst option:
It definitely feels like the turning of the tide. All these little bits of the puzzle – ISWF, green smoothies, barre, yoga, my lovely R, the great inspiring people I’m learning from every day, meditation – are all making me stronger and more able to deal with the curve balls that seem to get me square between the eyes. Its about having the insight to recognise when your ego, mean girl, crazy monkey army is getting out of control, how to deal with it, then how to deal with the problem at hand (if it actually exists). It doesn’t always happen immediately – just a couple of days ago it took me about 4 hours to snap out of a silly though spiral – but I definitely feel like I have the tools to cope. To be the one steering this ship, to know how to manage, correct and reflect in the best way for me.