First up, a thankyou, to the always inspiring beautiful soul that is Clare Bowditch. Her album of the same name was released about this time last year, near my birthday, and I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it since. So many beautiful ideas and themes run through her songs, all of which have been on repeat in my head. I’m positive that by having this album firmly in my mind I was able to make this year an opportunity, not a burden.
When I had my out-of-control periods return with a vengeance earlier this year, it sparked a bit of a realisation for me. That while I’d be acting cautious with my physical self because of my condition, I hadn’t really ever put my health first. I had been acting out of fear – fear of getting hurt (physically), fear of trying and failing, a fear of getting ill again. I decided that I didn’t want to be like that anymore, and with the bit of confidence I’d gotten from doing barre and knowing how to correctly nourish my particular sack of human cells, I became both eager to lean more, and sure, at a deep and fundamental level, that putting my health first was going to change so much of my life.
For me, choosing health is choosing happiness. My physical health is a big component for me – the better I eat, the better and smarter I exercise, means that my body is in the best condition it can be and will be able to prevent minor injuries. The healthier my gut is (due to good eating choices), the happier and calmer I am, and the less stressed I get when something does go wrong (because things aren’t always going to go the way you want them to). The less stressed I am, the less likely I am to develop bleeding issues, especially blood noses (these seem to be caused at least partially by stress in me). Also, the less stressed I am, its more likely I’ll make better food and exercise choices (and choices generally). So it goes full circle.
At a more direct level, I believe you can always choose your reaction, your perspective on any situation, and therefore choose happiness. Even as someone who suffers from a congenital medical condition, I still believe that. I’m not saying its an easy thing to do all of the time, and its unquestionably harder when you’re suffering from an unknown or uncontrollable set of symptoms, especially physical pain, but I am grateful for a few things about my health – that I know what lurks in my dna, I’m not going to find out in my 6th or 7th decade, I found out in my second decade. That of late, I’ve been finding more ways to control my symptoms without having to take more drugs. I’m also very grateful that I live in this time of history, so not only can I get a diagnosis and treatment, but I have this opportunity to share what I know and my experiences with everyone who reads my blog. Plus, I strongly believe in this:
I’ve had to come back to that concept a few times, but its really powerful in helping me choose a better outlook.
So in this, my 50th post since starting this little set of ramblings a few months ago, is a commitment to choose the best for me. I can’t be the best in any situation, whether that’s in a job, for my health, my partner or a friend, or even on here, if I’m not putting a focus on my own physical and emotional health and wellbeing. No else is going to do it for me either, so the heavy lifting is up to me. Its definitely not always easy, but it makes life better. I’m sure you’ll see me writing about things that are hard and you might be able to see my focus from this waning. But I’ll always be trying to focus on the good, the best in the world.