Am I really a girl?

Yes, I have the requisit parts. My bleeding disorder certainly like to remind me of that. But otherwise, I have found it hard to fit in to female situations.

I’ve never felt the need to go to the toilet in groups. I like being alone, not always in groups with friends. I’ve never liked a good gossip. I don’t relate through emoting, I use facts, logic, examples from history. Emotive thinking is confusing for me, and my inability to understand it has gotten me into some tricky situtions. I say what I mean and speak honestly to the point of blunt. I don’t lie to save someone else’s feelings, and get insulted when people do that to me. I don’t infer or interpret, if certain words are used with me I take them at face value, and use words in the same way. I’ve never had a bad relationships with scales. I actually never had a relationship with scales. Body image issues have always arisen over issues of function not form – where my body is unable to do something, when it fails to complete a task. I relate to make characters more easily in books, movies and tv shows. Except Joss Whedon’s work. The man is a bit of a genius. I’ve never wanted to be skinny, I’ve always just wanted by body to do what it can, to be strong enough to cope with what I want to put it through – bike rides, hikes, rock climbing, yoga.

I’ve seen each of these things in girls and women I’ve met, both in real life and on the Internet. But none of them are in me. It’s put a separation between myself and women I’ve needed to relate to – in work, school, uni and family. Or an obligation on my part to pretend to be someone else. Someone who likes a good chat with people they don’t share things in common with. A person who understands what is meant when the words don’t match their intent. A person who doesn’t answer with their true thoughts when asked, because the asker really doesn’t want the truth despite protests.

One of my guilty pleasure/stuck at home being sick tv series is One Tree Hill. One of the main characters in one of the episodes says she’s worried for her yet to be born son, because so often she feels horribly out of place, like she was born at the wrong time in the wrong place and she doesn’t want that for him. And I’ve felt that a lot around other women or girls. Like those times I’ve been in North America and I’ve us Australian words and jargon and they look at me, thinking “now I know she’s speaking English because the sounds are all correct, but I have no idea what she just said”. I think it’s a part of being INTJ and very rare as a woman – I don’t quite speak the same language as everyone else, I don’t think in the same way.

It can be a bit isolating. And with my medical disorder, even more so. It can just be hard to know how to find my place sometimes.

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About Jenna

Seeking a new way of working outside the standard 9-5. Writer for hire - blogs, internal procedures, social media posts, training manuals or anything else you an imagine.
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10 Responses to Am I really a girl?

  1. annesquared says:

    Yeah, more INTJ women! I like what you are doing with your blog. I will bet there are a lot of people that will appreciate the work you put into it to educate on von Willebrands…
    It may be the outlet you need to support some of your INTJ functions –
    We may be rare in the population but we are congregating on the web –

  2. Jason says:

    I know what you mean! I, an INTJ man, often feel like I was born in the wrong place at the wrong time. Typical ‘manly relationships’ leave me feeling outcast. I’m not interested in cars or sports etc. I almost always feel like my friends don’t get me, and I often relate better to books. However I believe an INTJ brings a lot to offer relationships. We will get to the heart of the issues and can see things from a logical perspective, where others are overwhelmed by emotion.

    • Definitely! Its about finding the right people who can respond to that though. I have one in my partner, but there have been lots of people I’ve encountered who just label me a bitch because I see things logically, strategically, from a distance. I think my INTJness also underpins my love of sci fi – so often main characters are odd or outside the norm for whatever reason, and fit into a world which is bigger and weirder than what they’ve come from. Which I can relate to.

      • Jason says:

        yeah, I wish I could be a wizard from fantasy novels (particularly pug from magician) haha. Same here, my wife totally gets me & she’s fantastic but others think I’m ‘too honest’ or weird. Finding the right people is the key, I haven’t found them yet.

      • I’m still working on that too. Thankfully, we have the internet when actual people don’t gel well with our approach.

      • Jason says:

        True 🙂

  3. segmation says:

    There are many articles on gender differences out there. I am sure you are not alone in your thoughts. Do Men and Women See Colors Differently? What do you think?

    • The differences I experience for me come down to personality type, not gender necessarily. I have been Myers Briggs typed, and my type is very rare generally, but more so in women. The way I approach things is very different to how most people approach a situation or problem, and slightly more rare in women. Being a woman myself, this can put me a odds with others. I don’t think most differences we experience have anything to do with innate gender differences, more personality or learned gender differences. I think all individuals see colour differently, but that’s because we all have slightly different bodies that process information in slightly different ways (eye function, brain function etc, let alone any experience or emotional influences).

  4. Pingback: Soul sisters, where are you? | MyMissingFactor

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